And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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