drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
