pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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