so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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