dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
