I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I looked at my own cervix.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
