i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize