I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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