You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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