never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
40s are totally the cure
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize