I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
