my soul wont recognize me after tonight
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
