i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
