She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
