you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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