is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
