don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
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The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
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Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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