The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
