new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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