I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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