he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Randomize
