Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
