The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
