Quick, to the slutcave!
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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