She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
