I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
