You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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