it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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