Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
