Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
