He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
