I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
