you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
