I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
FUCK WHALES
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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