in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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