You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
