Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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