to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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