He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
