last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
