JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
