Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
