i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
