I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
