stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
