his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Shitshow foam night was such a success
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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