Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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