I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
