okay pat passed out under dana's car
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
