he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
