I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
This gyro tastes like lonliness
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
