I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Randomize
