haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
