Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Randomize
