somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
