Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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