Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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