i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We're too hungover to prance.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
