i wish peter jackson would direct porn
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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