wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
