Will you blow on my dice?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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