I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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