I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
