Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
