he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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